Short answer: a condolence text fits into two or three sentences: name the deceased or the relationship ("your father," "Marc"), express your sadness without making it about you, and offer concrete help rather than an "if you need anything at all." Avoid explanations, comparisons and emojis. A well-written 160-character message is worth more than a long, clumsy one.
The condolence text is the message people put off the longest. We don't know what to say, we're afraid of saying it badly, and the silence sets in — when in fact a text sent the same day often counts for more than a letter that arrives three weeks later. Writing from a computer keyboard actually helps a great deal: you reread, you cut the one sentence too many, and you don't get tangled up in your phone's autocorrect.
Is it really acceptable to send condolences by text?
Yes, as long as you treat it as a first gesture and not the only one. A text has an advantage that neither a phone call nor a card has: it forces no one to reply. The bereaved person reads it when they can, doesn't answer if they don't have the strength, and knows you were thinking of them.
These conventions have settled in on their own over recent years, and the unspoken rule is fairly simple:
| Situation | Suitable channel |
|---|---|
| Colleague, neighbour, work contact | Text alone is enough |
| Close friend, family | Text straight away, then a call or a visit |
| Death announced publicly (social media, death notice) | Private text rather than a public comment |
| Older person not comfortable with written messages | Phone call, or a very short text read out by a relative |
| After the funeral, to check in | Text — in fact the ideal channel |
What goes down badly isn't the text itself: it's the copy-pasted message obviously sent to fifteen people, or weeks of silence followed by an "I've only just heard."
What should you write in a condolence text?
Three elements are enough: the name of the deceased or the family relationship, a sentence that expresses your sadness, and a concrete offer. The order matters little; brevity matters a lot.
Naming is the most frequently forgotten point. "My deepest condolences" stays abstract; "I'm thinking of you and your mum" gives the person who died a presence and shows you aren't reciting a formula. Palliative care companions and bereavement support associations, such as the Union nationale des associations familiales de deuil or the Empreintes network, regularly stress this point: the bereaved often suffer from the way the name of the deceased disappears from conversation.
The concrete offer, next, changes everything. "If you need anything, don't hesitate" hands the burden of asking to someone who no longer has the energy to ask. "I'll drop off a meal on Thursday, just tell me what time" is a gift.
Finally, stay in your place. A condolence text is not the place to recount your own grief, nor to explain what the person ought to be feeling.
28 ready-to-send condolence text templates
The messages below are deliberately short. Swap in the names, and cut anything that doesn't sound like you: a text you wouldn't have written yourself rings false when read.
For a close friend
- "I've just heard about your father. I have no words. I'm here, at any hour."
- "I've been thinking of you so much since this morning. You don't need to reply. Love to you."
- "What terrible news. I'll come round tomorrow evening with food, you don't have to prepare anything."
- "I know how much she meant to you. My heart is with you, Léa."
- "No grand words, just this: I'm here, and I'll still be here afterwards, once everyone else has gone."
- "I'll call you this weekend, with no expectations. If you don't pick up, that's absolutely fine."
- "All my thoughts are with you and the children. Tell me if I can pick them up from school this week."
For a family member
- "I'm thinking of you, of Mum and of the whole family. We'll get through this together. Love you."
- "We miss Grandad terribly already. I love you, and I'm right here beside you."
- "I'll handle the paperwork at the town hall if you like, just say yes or no."
- "I'll be there on Tuesday from 9 a.m. We'll take things slowly, at your pace."
- "I'm keeping his photos safe. We'll look through them together whenever you want."
- "I can't believe it. Take care of yourself, I'll call you again very soon."
For a colleague or a professional contact
- "I heard about your mother's passing. Please accept my sincere condolences. Take all the time you need."
- "The whole team is thinking of you. Your files have been covered, don't worry about them."
- "Sincere condolences, Thomas. We've got everything in hand here, come back when you're ready."
- "I'm truly sorry about your brother. My most sincere condolences to you and your family."
- "My thoughts are with you at this difficult time. Don't hesitate to get in touch about the arrangements."
For a neighbour, another parent at school, an acquaintance
- "I heard the news about your husband. My deepest condolences. I'm on the second floor if you need anything at all."
- "Sincere condolences. I can collect your post and put the bins out this week, it's no trouble at all."
- "Thinking of you. If you'd like me to take Louise along with mine on Wednesday, I'd be glad to."
- "My condolences to you and your loved ones. Wishing you strength for the days ahead."
After the funeral, to check in
- "Three weeks already. I just wanted to tell you I haven't forgotten. How are you, really?"
- "I'm thinking of you today, it was his birthday. Sending you a big hug."
- "Coffee this week? Without talking about any of it, if you'd rather."
- "I know the hardest part starts now that the house is empty. I'm here."
- "You can message me at 3 a.m. if you can't sleep. That's not just a figure of speech."
- "A year today. I'm thinking of him, and of you."
Which phrases should you avoid in a bereavement text?
The ones that explain, play things down, or do the consoling on the person's behalf. They are almost always well meant, and almost always badly received.
- "He went at the right time" / "it's better this way": no one but the bereaved person gets to say that.
- "Time heals": perhaps true, useless in the first few days.
- "I know how you feel": you don't, and it shifts the subject onto you.
- "Be strong" / "chin up" on their own: an order, not support. "Wishing you strength for the days ahead" works, because it's a wish.
- Religious references if you don't know the family's beliefs: "may he rest in peace" can jar.
- "Call me if you need anything" with nothing else: see above — it's the sentence that never prompts anything.
- Details about the cause of death: you don't ask, and by text even less so.
A word on emojis: in a condolence message, they don't add warmth so much as change register. A heart at the end of a sentence works between very close friends, in a message that already carries that tenderness. Folded hands, candles or flowers look like a social media comment. Technically, they also come at a cost: a single emoji switches the message to UCS-2 encoding and cuts the limit from 160 to 70 characters, which sometimes splits the text across two SMS. Our article on the 160 characters of an SMS explains this mechanism in detail, and the site's character counter lets you check before you send.
How do you write these messages from a computer?
By using an online sending service or one of the gateways that mirrors your phone. The keyboard genuinely changes the quality of the text: you reread, you delete the sentence too many, and you don't accidentally send a half-written message.
Three routes, depending on what you have available:
- An online sending service, straight from the browser, with nothing to install — handy on a computer that isn't yours. How it works is explained in our guide to sending a free text online, step by step.
- Google Messages for web (messages.google.com/web), which displays your Android phone's conversations after you scan a QR code. Your real message threads, your own number as sender.
- Messages on Mac, if you're on iPhone, with text message forwarding enabled in Settings → Messages.
In all three cases, write the message in a text editor before pasting it in: that way you avoid prematurely sending a draft, a classic mishap and a particularly awkward one in this context. And if you're mirroring your phone over several days of administrative tasks, a desk phone stand plugged in next to the computer prevents the sync from dropping just as the battery dies.
And when there are fifteen people to notify?
That's the other side of the subject, rarely discussed: announcing a death to the wider circle. Here a text is genuinely useful, but the method matters.
- Don't use a group conversation. Everyone would see the replies, the questions and each other's numbers: unbearable when you're reading sixty messages in a row. Go for individual sending instead, as detailed in our article on sending a text to several recipients.
- Write one single, factual, short text: the name, the date, the place and time of the funeral, and a line saying whether the family would like to receive calls or not. It's that last line that will spare you thirty phone calls.
- Delegate the sending. A relative who isn't in the front line of the grief can perfectly well work through the list from a computer.
- Keep a list. A spiral notebook set down next to the keyboard, with numbers ticked off one by one, stops you forgetting someone — a forgotten cousin is remembered for a long time.
- Keep the paperwork. For the formalities that follow, an expanding document wallet keeps death certificates, contracts and statements together; the various bodies will ask for several copies, and service-public.fr sets out the full list of formalities following a death.
Should you reply to a condolence text?
No, and that's worth knowing on both sides. Nothing obliges a bereaved person to answer the messages they receive, and many reply weeks later, or not at all. If you're the one receiving them, a single collective thank-you message, sent whenever you're able, is more than enough — for example: "Thank you all for your words. They have helped us so much."
If you're the one writing, phrase your text so as to explicitly release the recipient: "you don't need to reply" is one of the most useful sentences you can send. It removes the social debt that any message received creates, however unintentionally.
For those who want to go further, two books come up again and again in the recommendations of bereavement support associations: Vivre le deuil au jour le jour by Christophe Fauré, and a grief journal for setting down the memories you have no one to tell. These often make more fitting gifts than a houseplant, to be given a few weeks later rather than on the day itself.
Frequently asked questions
How long after a death can you still send a condolence text?
There's no expiry date. A message sent three weeks later, with an honest line such as "I've only just heard" or "I didn't dare write to you sooner," is always better received than nothing. The weeks following the funeral are in fact the ones when everyone else disappears and the message counts for most.
How long should a condolence text be?
Two to three sentences, so 140 to 300 characters. Beyond that, the message splits across several SMS and loses its force. With no emoji or special character, a single SMS holds 160 characters in GSM-7; with an emoji, the limit drops to 70.
Can you send the same message to several people in the same family?
Yes, but at least adapt the family relationship: "your mum" for one, "your grandmother" for another. Members of the same family show each other the messages they've received, and a word-for-word identical text is spotted immediately.
What do you say when you didn't know the deceased?
Say so plainly and turn your attention to the living person: "I never met him, but I know what he meant to you." That's more honest than praising someone you never knew.
Does a text replace a condolence card?
For a distant or professional relationship, yes. For someone close, the text plays the role of the immediate gesture, and the card or the visit that of the longer term. The two aren't in competition.
Updated 29 October 2026.
